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Paired Poetry Student Poems

Page history last edited by Courtney Rudder 5 years ago

 

 

Congratulations to all of you students in Core 4.  You have successfully published your "paired poems" and you all did an exceptional job.  I am impressed by your creative writing and ability to use poetic devices, especially your use of personification. 

Your assignment for the next two days is to read through each others poems and comment to each other.  Comment on the overall success of each other's poems, on certain lines that made an impact on you and any critical comments you would like to make. 

Post at least two comments over the next two days and reply to at least two people including Mrs. Rudder!  Happy Reading!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comments (Show all 68)

Landace Hoadley said

at 5:57 pm on Apr 26, 2016

Actually Gracie, when my poem says "a nice person wrapped in a cloth of sorrow turning the cloth into a wet sponge" I am actually referring to when the girl cried so much with that cloth the cloth just got wet from her tears and you can see the line right under it. I had just referred the cloth to a sponge when it got wet, but I do like your idea as well.

Kharisma Smith said

at 5:58 pm on Apr 26, 2016

I really enjoyed reading these poems. Some of the ones I liked was Nick B. And I also like Maddies. At the end of Maddie's poem she left a lift hanger which was really good. I made a prediction that the girl got abducted or killed I inferred this from the last stanza. Nick I really enjoyed the humor in this poem I believe that it was well written and very detailed I could picture what was going on through out the whole poem good job. Also Anna your poem title is very creative that is what made me want to read your poem you did an excellent job and your poem was great keep it up Anna!😀😀

Andrew Snyder said

at 5:59 pm on Apr 26, 2016

Thank you! I tried to make it seem as if both the guy and the computer were completely broken. I also got a little bit of inspiration from this image here. http://goo.gl/3ES9b4 . I didn't notice this until Mrs. Rudder pointed it out to me, but it sort of switches tone from the first and second stanzas to the third.

Courtney Rudder said

at 6:00 pm on Apr 26, 2016

Anna, I agree with you about Michael's poem. He has a way of being very light-hearted and creative at the same time. I like how he turned it into something "right for the animals". Michael's poem could almost be an activist poem to close down zoos!
"Something went right for the animals,
Says the the loud silence and empty cages in harmony
And the zoo? Its decorations are strewn across the floor like a child with a tantrum.
A crocodile action figure, a ripped T-shirt, a brochure,
Says a once cluttered gift shop
Something went right for the animals, they say"

Gracie Wood said

at 1:33 am on Apr 27, 2016

I agree, Michael's poem did have a very interesting tone to it. I find it kind of funny how the words and events almost tell a different perspective. As humans who capture the animals, we typically think animals escaping is a really bad thing. Some one who sees this poem through the human's perspective might see this poem as a kind of sad or almost scary poem. However, a lot of people also can see the poem through the animal's eyes. The animals would rather be out in the wild than kept in closed habitats. Those people will see the poem as cheery and happy. I kind of see it through both perspectives, which make the poem especially interesting to me, and very mysterious, which I like.

Michael Gowen said

at 6:00 pm on Apr 26, 2016

I really liked Andreas paired poem. The "nerd" is described as a wacky person with long red overalls. The poem dramatically shifts in the second stanza from people not wanting to be near the boy to the boy being bullied and CHOKED. Then in the finally stanza it shifts incredibly to the boy going missing and never to be found. This poem is unique to me because every stanza is incredibly different.

Kharisma Smith said

at 6:03 pm on Apr 26, 2016

I also liked Andreas Poem yes I did describe how some. Nerds dress but not too in detail.

Sam Bisaria said

at 1:18 am on Apr 27, 2016

I agree with you, the three stanzas were very different

Kellen Russell said

at 6:01 pm on Apr 26, 2016

The pilots should be well trained and should know how to make an emergency landing in case of an emergency. This would probably be a safety hazard pilots would spend a lot of time practicing in case a situation like that ever happens.

Courtney Rudder said

at 6:01 pm on Apr 26, 2016

I agree, Bri. Many of these poems were very very good. I'm happy now that I picked Ted Kooser's poem for us to write paired poems to. You all rose to the challenge. Caleb did tell me that his poem was about himself. Isn't that right Caleb?

Breanna Quenon said

at 10:57 pm on Apr 26, 2016

I am happy too that you picked a Ted Kooser poem because it seems that he is an amazing poet and shows so much emotion in his poem.

Kharisma Smith said

at 6:01 pm on Apr 26, 2016

I also agree with you if the pilot nips waiting for the people to board the plane and reads Sam's poem they may think that they aren't going to be able to fly the plane and all the people who paid to fly somewhere will be also frightened by the pilot no having a lot of confidence in himself and that could cause very on the plane to lose their lives. If the poem wasn't just based directly to one person then it would be less offensive

Gracie Wood said

at 6:02 pm on Apr 26, 2016

Bri's poem and Anna's poem where two that really were good. In Bri's I loved her comparison between crying and water like in a river. Sometimes life can get really hard and overwhelming, and people do cry. But Bri's metaphor depicted crying so much that you drown, which could be like giving up hope. I thought the way she worded this metaphor was just perfect, and that the overall idea her poem had was really cool and relatable, although somewhat depressing toward the end. Anna's poem was another that I wanted to bring up. I really liked how she didn't have just one character, but two that she described, using the different characters. It reminded me a little bit of the book "flipped" because of the change of perspectives and the romance bit added in. I especially enjoyed how she brought the poem to a close, where the reader gets a sense of the girl leaving, and then it flashes to the boy upset because he didn't get his chance with her. I thought it was a creative poem that was written pretty well, and had an interesting story that was being told.

Kharisma Smith said

at 8:01 pm on Apr 26, 2016

It’s almost shocking the quality you recieve! It’s obvious how much time and detail they put into every word just reading over it. I appreshiate your effort very much, and I now know exactly where to go for an idea on a poem thanks bri

Sam Bisaria said

at 6:02 pm on Apr 26, 2016

Henry's poem sounds like the zombie apocalypse. The zombies probably attacked the school and killed everybody, so that is why it was abandoned and there was that creepy message scribbled in blood. It could have also been the students rebelling against the teachers, or collateral damage in some war that the school had the bad luck of being in the path of.

Sam Bisaria said

at 1:13 am on Apr 27, 2016

(Continued) I don't know why Henry's poem was focused on that one schoolboy instead of the rebellion itself. The mood dramatically shifts in the third stanza. Instead of the boy, it's about the rebellion after the calm second paragraph.

nicholas butler said

at 6:02 pm on Apr 26, 2016

I really liked a lot of peoples poem.They all where very creative and lots of them where very descriptive on what the object was.I also really liked this type of poem,when we have to put objects in a first person type view.Some of them were really funny and some of them are very strong and has good meaning to them.One that was the strongest was Soghie in my opinion.She really said how bad people really didn't like him or didn't want him to win and how the people called him loser

Jade Brower said

at 6:02 pm on Apr 26, 2016

Another poem that I really Liked was michal's poem, this is one if my favorites because of who the poem is talking about. In almost everyone's poem they talked about a person or people, but in michals poem it talked about a monkey. I also thought that his poem hade a lot of creativity because of all of the great ways he disc ribbed the setting and also what was going on. Another poem that I liked was Elizabeth's poem. While it did not really have that cliffhanger or drastic ending, it was very descriptive. Also in her poem there was great word choices, for example one of the lines said the ghostly remands of the jewelry. I think that with all the great word choice and how well the poem was writen as a whole it ended as a very good poem that I enjoyed reading.

Maddie LeCloux said

at 6:03 pm on Apr 26, 2016

A poem that stood out to me was Andrea's. The story never gets dull, so it was fun to read. I like how she did not end the poem on a cliff hanger, like in the Abandoned Farmhouse poem that this was paired to. I say this because even though she doesn't say it exactly, reader's can infer that the boy died. I also like that the poem starts with a description of the characters looks, because that really adds to the story, as I would have been confused without. Overall, I found this poem very fascinating, even though the tone is sad and serious.

Indya Nivar said

at 6:03 pm on Apr 26, 2016

I agree Sophie's poem was well written. I did like how she used really world aspect and she was really down to earth with her poem. She made a really good point about Donald trump good job Sophie

Breanna Quenon said

at 6:03 pm on Apr 26, 2016

Sophie, I liked your poem about Donald Trump. It was very interesting because at the bringing of the poem I thought you were going to make him win presidentsy. However, by the end I was very happy that it changed because it gave it more of a plot twist. One line that I liked from you poem was when you said "congratulation cards that doesn't have his name on them"
I'll add more later!!

Afon Morgan said

at 6:04 pm on Apr 26, 2016

Anna's poem really stood out to me because, other than the last line, "something went wrong that night" it almost perfectly represented somebody I knew last year at my old school. Also I liked how you 'spoke' for two different people and their specific thoughts and feelings.

Arianna Defalco said

at 6:04 pm on Apr 26, 2016

One that stood out to me was David's poem. Although his poem was very short it had a lot of meaning behind it. Through out the poem it explains his feelings towards himself, I may be wrong but I think that David wrote this poem about himself. I will say that his poem did end with a suppressing twist, it went from him explaining his grades,parents, and social life to a gun shit nearly hitting him. Overall I think that his poem was very well written.

Anna Routh said

at 6:04 pm on Apr 26, 2016

I thought that David's poem was very deep and meaningful. It starts out being sad and gloomy describing this boy, saying how he has bad grades and no friends, then gets a lot more serious in the last stanza. The boy tried to kill himself, but there was someone that saved him from the bullet. It added a lot more suspense making me want to keep reading it....

Anna Routh said

at 7:48 pm on Apr 26, 2016

...continuing my response...The way the poem ended was a really good cliff hanger, and I really want the poem to keep going so that I can find out who saved him from the gunshot and what his parent's reactions would be. This poem was different from a lot of the other ones because it didn't just end with him shooting himself, it changed into a mysterious and exciting ending.

David Kester said

at 9:30 pm on Apr 26, 2016

Do your really want to here the ending? I bet youd like to know the ending wouldnt you? Oh thats just what you want, isnt it? Ok i'll tell you. The person who took the bullet was... The boy's pet alien Zoidberg!!!!! JK.

Ethan Unger said

at 7:02 pm on Apr 26, 2016

I definitely agree with Kellen because what pilot would want to fly again after this story, it's not like someone's just gonna go "that was such a nice story now time to go fly my plane across the ocean. I think you could of made your story much more pleasing and less grim but compared to other poems I've heard this one isn't as bad.

Ethan Unger said

at 7:08 pm on Apr 26, 2016

I agree with you Elizabeth that story was very gruesome and for a twin too do that to there family is not very humane like. One thing that I don't understand people did was all there endings were very terrible and dreadful.

Ethan Unger said

at 7:15 pm on Apr 26, 2016

Calebs poem seemed like a biography of him which it probrobly was and was very interesting because it didn't follow the criteria and didn't match the abandoned farm house. I think that he could've added a something went wrong and also he could've added more hyperbole.

Indya Nivar said

at 12:44 am on Apr 27, 2016

I really agree with what you said about Caleb writing about himself . I do feel he could of put in more effort and follow the criteria but what he gave was really funny because I find it that he acts similar to the person he was describing in the poem.

Kellen Russell said

at 7:25 pm on Apr 26, 2016

Mrs. Rudder, an oompa loompa is someone in the charlie and the chocolate factory. i think both of these poems could have started a big cause for activism if they were written earlier and maybe a little more detailed. I think both of you( Hunter and Sophie) did a very good job writing.

Kharisma Smith said

at 8:05 pm on Apr 26, 2016

Caleb's poem had a lot of personification I enjoyed reading his poem. I did like how he related it to an actual person it seemed very realistic. Compared to my poem yours was more Jon fictional than my poem that had lots only ficion

Kharisma Smith said

at 8:06 pm on Apr 26, 2016

Fiction

Tiffany Guerra said

at 8:46 pm on Apr 26, 2016

All the poems were amazing. And one poem that I really liked was Anna's. I like how she describes both characters in the poem and that their both really different from each other. The reader can really picture the poem and how the characters are. So great job Anna.

Indya Nivar said

at 12:51 am on Apr 27, 2016

I really liked Anna's poem as well. I felt that she was really creative about the topic in her poem which is giving a girl a valentine. I can totally predict that she was talking about this topic because she was really descriptive about what she was talking about and she also used personification which helped me get more involved with the poem which makes me better understand it. I argee that Anna did well with the paried poem.

Michael Gowen said

at 10:49 pm on Apr 26, 2016

Tiffany's poem was very different than the others. Tiffany's is about what I think is to be her having a great time with her family, and is probably the happiest poem listed. Many poems like Henry's or Jade's have some pretty morbid endings, but Tiffany's is the exact opposite!

Breanna Quenon said

at 11:10 pm on Apr 26, 2016

Sophie, I liked your poem about Donald Trump. It was very interesting because at the bringing of the poem I thought you were going to make him win presidentsy. However, by the end I was very happy that it changed because it gave it more of a plot twist. One line that I liked from you poem was when you said "congratulation cards that doesn't have his name on them" it was a good way to describe that he lost.

Andrea SooHoo said

at 11:39 pm on Apr 26, 2016

Another one of the poems that stood out to me was Sophie's poem about Donald trump. i like how she explained trump in a very negative way because everyone hates trump. I like the line " from his attempt to fit in too many stray tans" I thought hat line was really funny. Donald trump is very orange and probably gets his orange skin from the too much sprays tans he uses. I know I mentioned David's poem in my early post, but I want to talk about it more. David's poem was deep and had very strong words.The poem was also very sad, I want to know what happens next in the poem.

Anonymous said

at 11:58 pm on Apr 26, 2016

Hunter's poem seemed kind of funny. I think this because when the poem said, "He looks like an oompa loompa, the multiple can of spray tan say together." Also when the poem said, ”The burning sombreros and piñatas said in unison” I thought that the personification was interesting in a way that you would never think to write it. The last thing that I want to talk about is out of all the things you could have written about, why Trump? And I don’t mean this in a bad way, I just want to know why.

Elizabeth Hollmann said

at 12:02 am on Apr 27, 2016

One that was interesting to me was Tiffany's. Her poem had a happy ending, while many, MANY others chose to go the gruesome route. It offered a little light in the way of all that depressing poetry. Tiffany describes the scene as it is happening. Kind've like interviewing the beach bags and shovels, instead of them just speaking, telling you the story of what has happened. Another poem that I though was interesting was Billy's. It wasn't exactly like a paired poem, but it does deserve credit for abstract thinking. The last line, "Refrigerator!" could symbolism the twist endings a lot of these poem have. The last stanza is the dumping ground of the symptoms of what went wrong. In many of the peoms I read, the person is killed, hospitalized or is sad in the last stanza. Rather in the reverse order, if the character has a bad life, a good thing happens to them.

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